Psalm 38 - A broken heart

 

God, I hate the feeling. I’ve been there too many times to count. The pain. The shame. The despair. The discouragement. The anguish. The Anger.

And God, it’s good that I’m not alone. As David is feeling the weight of his sin, he says in v. 8, “I am feeble (numb with pain) and crushed (broken), I groan because of the tumult of my heart.”

The word “tumult” is only used in one other place in the Hebrew Scriptures. Isaiah 5:30 uses it in reference to the churning of waves. God, David’s heart was like a tumultuous sea. Sin and its devastating effects had so ravaged his heart, as Isaiah says, like a prowling lion.

God, I don’t like to feel this. And so, I try to deny or dismiss my sin. I hide behind self-righteousness. I lie to myself and others.

Teresa of Avila said, “We need to sit amongst our weeds.” God, I don’t like seeing my weeds, much less sitting in them.

But God, you were taking David, and you’re taking me on a journey. As Dallas Willard says, you are taking us “on a journey to break out hearts.” David’s heart was broken. If there had been impenetrable stones of self-righteousness in his heart, you were crushing them - just as you have been crushing mine in my life over 36 years of walking with you.

And God, while I hate the angst that my sin brings to my heart and hate being crushed, I know there is joy on the other side. David will pronounce in Psalm 51:8, “Let me hear joy and gladness, let the bones you have broken (same word) rejoice.” And in v. 17, he says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart he will not despise.”

God, thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for crushing me so the fleshly pleasures of sin and self-righteousness can be replaced with joy and gladness in your presence.

Amen